Socrates on towels

Posted by Chris

I've already had my say about Norm Geras' deluded defence of small towels. No one could accuse me of getting fixated on an issue, especially when it comes to disagreements with Norm.

Nevertheless, I thought I would pass along an obscure Socratic dialogue on the subject of towels that I just remembered. Its provenance is unknown, but most scholars assume that it dates from shortly after Socrates' death in 399 BC. Judging from the very high quality of the dialogue, which exhibits both literary and philosophical mastery in the treatment of its theme, the author may well have been an intimate of Socrates', probably a member of his inner circle. Since Plato is thought to have begun writing several years after Socrates' death, our dialogue presumably predates the Euthyphro, which it in some respects resembles. Indeed, parallels between the two dialogues are intriguing and some have claimed that Plato modelled the Euthyphro after it - though whether Plato matched the original in quality is an open question. Whatever the case, it stands as an early - and vigorous - treatment of an important subject.

Kakalambano: Socrates! What in heaven's name are you doing at a towel store?

Socrates: Why good day, Kakalambano. Xanthippe has sent me to buy towels, and I came straight here after spending a few hours talking in the agora.

K: What did you talk about Socrates?

S: Why about towels, my good man. And I am here to buy a large towel because I have found no man who could defend the purchase of a small towel, though I have questioned everyone from the workmen to the famous politicians of the day on this matter. These men thought they were wise about the nature of towels, and yet when I questioned them they all - to a man - were unable to defend their own small towels, or their decision to equip their sons with small towels.

K: For my part, Socrates, I've always been partial to small towels. Indeed, I had my father thrown in prison for providing the servants with large towels.

S: Then I am indeed in luck, my good man. For if you have done such a thing, then you must surely know that small towels are good and large towels bad.

K: Why I fancy I do, Socrates.

S: Tell me then, my good man: You say a small towel is good?

K: I do.

S: And a good towel is good to the extent that it is a towel?

K: Of course.

S: And a towel's extent is the extent to which a towel is a towel?

K: How could it be otherwise, Socrates?

S: And a towel's extent is a towel's dimensions?

K: Indeed.

S: Well, then, if a towel is good to the extent that it is a towel, and a towel's extent is it's dimensions, then will a towel not be better in proportion to its dimensions?

K: Perhaps.

S: And if that is so, my good man, will a towel with larger dimensions not be better than one with smaller dimensions?

K: That cannot be right, Socrates. And yet I cannot see how to resist this conclusion. But if I were to accept what you say about towels, I would have to throw out all my small towels and replace them with larger towels. Such work! And my wife would kill me.

S: Let us take up the question from another angle, my good man.

K: I would love to examine this question, Socrates, but it is getting awfully late.

S: Stay my friend. Just tell me: Are large towels good because they are large or large because they are good?

K: I suppose if I must answer, Socrates, I will say that surely they are good because they are large.

S: Exactly so, my good man. But how could this be the case if large towels weren't good and bad towels small?

K: I am sure that if I had time I could come up with an adequate response Socrates. But now I must confess that I am quite stumped - and very late.

S: Why Kakalambano, you're teasing me. You who are so confident about towels must surely know what makes some towels good and what makes some towels bad. After all, your father now languishes in prison for distributing large towels. I promise you that I shall never weary of my pursuit of this question, and I entreat you to do the same. So tell me again, starting from the beginning, why you prefer small towels to large ones.

K: Another time, Socrates; for I am in a hurry, and must go now.

S: But wait. Will you leave me in despair? I had hoped that you would instruct me on the nature of towels and their goodness. For if you had done so then my current purchase of towels would surely be purged of error. And then I might have told the clerk that I was making a right and a true purchase, such as a good and noble man might make, and was truly living a good life.

Posted by Chris at June 23, 2004 04:32 PM